Sydney, Australia - (Ass Mess): Australian coal miners at the Bulge Pit in Northern Sydney are being given foreplay tips in an attempt to boost productivity.
"If they learnt how to shag each other properly maybe they'd spend less time friggin' about and actually get some work done for a change," managers at mining firm Xstrata said today.
The company's "toolbox talks" aim to help workers to understand their basic urges which can often interfere with normal workplace practices.
The briefings have included advice on fatigue, premature ejaculation, scrotal goitre, crabs, repetitive groin strain injury and related topics.
Company bosses have said giving their predominantly male employees lessons on the menopause, however, "has been a bleedin' waste of time and effort."
"We have to look at the lifestyles of our employees," Xstrata sources said today, "and make sure they are fit at work.
"But we've also told them that they needed to start exploring their wives like they did when they were 18," Ms Tammy Farrell, Core Health Consulting Course Co-ordinator added.
"If one man is game enough to put up their hand, you'll slowly notice three or four nods in the room," Ms Farrell added enigmatically.