Pop princess Britney Spears' life has been on one long downward spiral over the past few years but now she has definitely hit rock bottom after "accidentally" setting fire to her vagina at her Malibu home.
The songstress was apparently smoking a cigarette while waxing her intimate bits when a stray piece of ash reacted with the oily chemicals and burst into flames. Shocked and stunned - as indeed any young woman who found herself in a similar circumstance would be - Britney fled from her house screaming and banging on neighbors doors pleading for help. As most of the residents were by now used to Spears bizarre behavior they wrongly ignored her cries and carried on with their own business (masturbating over cheese).
Very soon the whole neighborhood was ablaze, the timber famed homes burning like matchwood. By the time the fire service were alerted it had spiralled out of control and the inferno's which now threaten the homes of thousands of Californian citizens had spread like, well, wildfire.
Spears was discovered unconscious by a sidewalk some thirty minutes away from her own salubrious pad. Scorched and terrified, she was taken to a nearby celebrity clinic were she is still receiving treatment for first degree burns and singed hair. But doctors have promised that her vagina will be back in perfect working order in no time at all.
A spokesperson for Miss Spears has denied that the "accident" was a bizarre cry for help.
"Believe it or not", said Sandy Twat, "things like this are quite common, ya know".