Sex is more popular than ever, claims a report, in some cases even outstripping football as the hobby of choice.
The claim, made after the results of a survey of 10,000 men was analysed, shows that, despite the emergence of out-of-town shopping centres, the free availability of drugs, and all-day drinking, guys still prefer a bit of the old 'rumpy pumpy' when they have some free time.
Nearly three-quarters of the men interviewed said they like to engage the other sex at least twice weekly, with nearly half claiming to 'inflate the missus' every night.
An amazing, though barely believable, 3 in 10 said they had experienced three-way sex, and 23 people even admitted to having a session with a animal, usually a household pet.
Leading sexpert Jennifer Smith told The Spoof:
"This isn't a surprise. Sex is on the increase - thank God!"