London, England - In a hitherto unsuspected display of military and technological prowess, the tiny Central European Principality of Liechtenstein this morning launched an ICBM and successfully exploded it over the northern English city of Liverpool.
The nuclear device, estimated in the 5-8 megaton range, exploded directly over the landmark Liver building. The immediate death toll is estimated at between 500,000 and 600,000,causing a huge drop in the British unemployment figures
A spokesman for the Liechtenstein government said: "Vell, ve had ze bomb so it seemed a pity not to use it. Ve chose Liverpool because Ve knew the rest of Great Britain vould not mind"
Liverpool, home of the Beatles, Liverpool F.C, Everton F.C, Gerry and the Pacemakers and the most irritating accent in these islands, is indeed being largely unmourned. Prime minister Gordan Browne expressed his formal sympathy but was overheard muttering to an aide: "This means the crime figures will plummet in the next sweep"
Former PM, Tony Blair, was openly exultant,understandable perhaps as his in-laws come from Liverpool.Said Blair "I understand that some collateral damage has been caused in nearby Manchester, but a few thousand deaths there are a small price to pay.God I'm so happy."
Scientists have expressed surprise at the huge death toll.Professor Arnold Moss of Norwich University said."It was always assumed that only cockroaches and Liverpudlians would survive a nuclear holocaust. It's a tragedy but at least now we know it's just the cockroaches."