When airline pilot Christopher Robbins, 49, of Biggleswade, recently went through the trauma of divorce from a 25-year marriage, he felt overwhelmingly suicidal and decided to phone what he thought would be his local Samaritans to try and find a solution to his current distress.
Imagine his surprise when he found himself talking to Muhktar Mukharjee in Mumbai who asked him what the matter was that would cause him to attempt suicide. Chris told him that because he spent a lot of time away from home, his wife had become unfaithful and ran away with one of Britain's last remaining postmen. Muhktar suggested he stayed at home more, but as soon as Chris mentioned that he was an airline pilot after retiring from the RAF Fighter Command some 10 years ago, Muhktar became quite excited and invited him to his cousin's 'Holiday' Camp in Northwest Pakistan.
Mr Robbins declined Muhktar's offer and reported the matter to the police as he suspected that Al Qu'ida were recruiting 'Kamikaze' pilots for some future terror campaign.
"I became suspicious when he asked me if I could hit our five-bedroom detached house in Biggleswade?" "Of course I said NO, because it would mean I would lose any collateral from my divorce proceedings." Then he asked: "Well what about something bigger, like GCHQ or the Houses of Parliament?" "I told him: much as I would like to (and indeed I could) I would still not do it."
"He then promised me that if I did, then it would solve ALL my suicidal tendencies in an instant, PLUS I would have a special bonus gift of meeting 72 Virgins in Heaven!"
I explained: "that I married one virgin and look what happened - what would I need 72 for?"
I simply told him that "that would be virgin' on the ridiculous."