Russian Grandmaster and former World Chess Champion and all round nice guy, Garry Kasparov has tested positive for steroids. Kasparov has been doing some serious training since he challenged Vladimir Putin to a chess duel for the Premiership of Russia.
Kasparov, age 55, retired from chess in 2005 in order to establish a brand new country named The Other Russia. It is understood he planned to unite the two countries if he had won the upcoming chess match.
FIDE (pronouced fee-day), The World Chess Federation, said it did not recognise Putin. A knowledgeable person pointed to Putin saying he was the one on the left, you know, the one who never smiles because his teeth are so bad. FIDE then replied, "Oh, yeah, right, O.K. Now we recognise him".
Garry Kasparov denies ever knowingly using steroids. Illytch Balcovitch, Mr Kasparov's agent, said the only foreign substance used by the Grandmaster was baby oil once a week at the local chicken ranch but that was applied by his loyal Czech mate. He added, "This may well be a smear campaign perpetrated by the KGB to keep Putin in power".
Hollywood director Oliver Stone, who is in Moscow making a movie, was quoted as saying he does'nt see a conspiracy. Mr Stone attributes his very large head to his brilliant intelligence but he had nothing at all to say about Kasparov.
Should Kasparov be found guilty of using steroids he may be required to return his medals and put The Other Russia back where he found it.