Written by Mister Meaner
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Wednesday, 10 October 2007

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The new-look Bin Laden

Osama Bin Laden, the world's most wanted man, has renounced terrorism, his hatred of the West and, most importantly, Islam itself in a newly-released video.

The video, which came into the possession of the Arabic news station al-Jazeira, features a clean-cut Bin Laden, without his beard, looking relatively young and sporting a Lacoste polo shirt and sunglasses. Initially, he wears a baseball cap.

Filming had obviously taken place in a studio somewhere, rather than in a cave or on a desolate mountain slope, as in the past. The message the erstwhile al-Qaeda leader had for viewers seemed to be: "Let bygones be bygones - forgive and forget!"

Mr Bin Laden said that terrorism would solve nothing, and was not the way forward. Furthermore, he had actually liked Tony Blair, though he was still not keen on that dunderhead Bush.

Islam, he went on, was "a hotchpotch of silly ideas", and extremist terrorism as a means of Muslim defiance and retaliation, was "poppycock".

The video was a shock for Western leaders, particularly Mr Bush, whose immediate reaction was to choke and read a book upside down.

Experts are analysing the video to determine its authenticity, but one said that it looks like the genuine article.

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown told reporters at a Press conference:

"It was only a matter of time before our dogged determination overcame his stubborn resistance."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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