Tirana, Albania - Albanian spectators cheered as a small rally of 100 peace-loving American hippies were ruthlessly apprehended by black-clad paramilitary forces thought to be under the command of the CIA. Albania, known for its unbending support of the United States, sent a message to the world through its ambassadors that they fully condoned the CIA's actions and invite further "extraordinary renditions" of other dissenters and peaceniks.
CIA representatives declined to comment except to say in a recorded message that, "Nothing here is out of the ordinary. The CIA believes that these alleged 'hippies' in fact do not exist at all, and never have. Al Qaeda, Nine-Eleven."
The families of the disappeared activists have demanded that the US Government supply them with the locations of their relatives, but since they have simultaneously been declared enemy combatants and also declared to not officially exist, the families stand to gain little but their own "extraordinary rendition" should they pursue the matter further. A United Nations response to their pleas for justice arrived in the form of a handwritten scroll upon which, in gold leaf, was written, "Our Bad. Hugs, the UN."
The hippies were reportedly rendered to Camp SNAFU, one of many CIA detention centers scattered around the globe, where they have been exposed to "enhanced interrogation techniques" that our reporters are assured do no permanent harm to the questionees, aside from a little scarring on the testicles and various nervous disorders which are considered minor. The CIA stands behind the detention of these enemy combatants even as it denies their existence or rendition. President-for-Hire Bush II praised the agency for its "moxy and cojones."