After six years of study, the London School of Economics has concluded that the only way to get rich on the internet is to promise to make people rich.
"We reviewed a number of sites and the assessed the financial status of the site owners," said Chief Researcher Gordon Blinkinbongle. "After sending off for our packs of exclusive and top secret information on 'how to become a Millionaire' we have been very surprised to discover that what these internet sites are peddling is merely information on how to set up a website selling information that will enable people to become millionaires. This information is by no means exclusive but is also available for free elsewhere. These traders are capitalising on the greed and in some cases, desperation of people."
"Some of these sites are very sophisticated in their marketing techniques," Assistant researcher Arthur Peenus added. "They will in fact knock their own material to convince doubters of their honesty and then basically say 'take or leave it. We don't really care but if you want to be poor...'
"It's a very persuasive argument and even the most intellectual of people can be taken in by their boasts."
The six years of research have not gone to waste however, and Blinkinbongle and his team have been able to narrow down the real formula to finding immense wealth.
"If anyone is interested." said Blinkbongle. "And I mean really serious about this, then can go to my website www.seriouslydonttypethisintoyourbrowser.co.uk and can learn the real secrets of billionaires. I will give you free information that costs nothing apart from the price of a CD that you may have purchased from a High Street Store rather than more cheaply off the internet. I will share my winning formulas with you and explain how millionaires make their millions. What have you got to lose?"
Northern Rock is said to be very interested in the research and is looking to combine this with 'sex sells' marketing techniques to fill in the hole in their accounts.
We asked him whether there was much money to be had in satirical news websites. It was all he could do to surpress a laugh.