Written by Jesus Budda

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Friday, 5 October 2007

image for Kim Jong Il Doll in stores by Christmas
The Kim doll in action pose. Note the authentic nuclear device control in his right hand.

South Korean dictator and sometimes porn star, Kim Jong il, joins the growing list of celebrities allowing their image to be used by toy companies.

The "Kim Jong Il Supreme Communist Ruler of the East" doll is being produced in Korean sweatshops by legendary toymakers Mattel. The doll stands 8 inches tall and comes complete with a whole range of phrases recorded by the "great" man himself, including such gems as "Do you feel horny, lovely lady?" and "shall I push the big red button, darling?".

Eager youngsters can also collect many costumes - all based on Kim's beloved collection of identical military baby-grow suits. A trigger on the Kim doll's back puts him in "action" mode. A toy company spokewoman elaborates further: "Kids will go wild for Kims action mode. He basically goes totally beserk, destroying anything and everything in site. It's a real wow!".

Kim also comes with a number of action vehicles with cool names like "Super Wonder Nuclear Bomb launcher", "Aerial Combat Death Destroyer" and "Fantastic Amazing Nuke Sub".

Sweatshop bosses are pushing their child slave workers very hard to get the dolls out in time for the Christmas rush.

"Every kid is gonna want a lovable Kim doll", said the toy spokeswaoman, "and even if they don't they're still gonna get one - wheteher they like it or not".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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