Vatican City, Vatican --
The Catholic Church, due to failing membership amongst its disgruntled flock, has been taken over by New York based demi-god, Donald "I don't need no stinkin' toupee" Trump.
The first thing "The Donald" did was to dismiss Pope John Paul II. In a phrase that has become his standard on NBC's hit reality-tv show, "The Apprentice", he told the cleric, "You're fired."
"It was sad. Donald had to say it in seven different languages before the Pope understood him. It's a sad day indeed when you hear Donald Trump speak Latin." Cardinal St. Louis said from the new penthouse apartment in the Vatican.
Many wonder why Donald Trump would be interested in the Catholic Church. It's not like he's Catholic, is he?
"No, I think he's Methodist or some other Christian-splinter group that sprouted from that damn Martin Luther. Not King. Martin Luther, the Protestant Reformer. Oh hell!" A priest said while drinking a bit more of the wine than he should have while passing out the Eucharist at a mass at St. Paul's Basilica which will be rented out as apartments for 1.000.000,00 Lira a month. Once it is refurbished, of course.
Donald's people say that, "the ecclesiastical arena is one that Donald has not conquered yet and well, he liked how they dominated during the Middle Ages and well, Jesus is so hot right now with that "Passion" movie and all the merchandising, he firgured he could just get in on the penthouse. No ground floor for him. Oh no."
No word on what the Pope will do now. However, there is a nice old Pope's home in the South of France that may take him.
Rumor has it that Donald may search for John Paul's replacement on the "Apprentice 3," but calls to NBC just got a nasty receptionist.