Funnyman and international statesman President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe used his speech to the United Nations General Assembly this week not to condemn the policies of Western leaders but to sell timeshare.
Using his well-known catch-phrase, "Come to Me", the grinning 83-year old King of Sales took delegates by surprise by announcing that the Harare Springs Resort is nearing completion and that each 4-bedroomed villa comes with its own DVD, PC and broadband Internet connection. Works at the resort had ground to a halt months ago because of planning complications. President Mugabe announced that he had resolved the problems and the development would be ready in time for Christmas.
Secretary-General Donkey Kong struggled to preserve calm and dignity as ambassadors from dozens of countries all demanded to know if the villas had Jacuzzis, swimming pools and satellite dishes. Some had even come with bags of cash on the off-chance that Mugabe might have something to sell, and they weren't disappointed.
The U.S. Ambassador was the first to purchase 52 weeks of the super-sized Titan Villa, complete with barbecue in every room. The Chinese Ambassador purchased a one bedroom apartment with additional fold-out bed to accommodate a single child. The British Ambassador purchased several villas to accommodate a few hundred asylum seekers.
Kong ended the session by awarding Mugabe's resort 5 UN wreaths, in recognition of its high standards of luxury.