Harriet Pritchard, a devout Christian Scientist, is still waiting for God to relieve her painful tooth decay. Followers of Christian Science, a religious teaching founded by Mary Baker Eddy in the 19th century, believe that all disorders and illnesses are curable through the power of prayer and heightened spiritual awareness. However, Pritchard's repeated attempts at spiritual healing have not resulted in God removing the decayed enamel and dentin from her lower mandibular second molar and replacing it with a gold filling. The cavity has been persisting for almost 12 years.
"I must be patient with God," says Pritchard, 78. "Clearly I have done something very sinful to deserve this. It may have been that time 56 years ago that I briefly, for about one and a half seconds, imagined what fornication is like."
"Ouch!," added Pritchard. "This is really starting to hurt. I think my whole jaw is infected."
Although some Christian Scientists do decide in certain cases to seek professional medical treatment, Pritchard believes this is a betrayal of the Lord.
"I put my trust in Christ Jesus. I will not let Satan lure me into the office of some dentist. Like my grand-pappy used to tell me, the wages of sin is death. Ow! Fuck!"
Dr. Frank Rosenberg DDS is Pritchard's local dentist, and though he has not seen her tooth, he commented that there is no possible way to save it after 12 years of decay, and it would have to be removed.
Pritchard insists she will stand her ground, noting that God cured not one but two colds she had last winter.
"How does the know-it-all heathen medical community explain that one? There's only one explan-- ow! Alright, fuck this, what's Rosenberg's number?"