SUDAN/MASSACHUSETTS - It has been discovered that world prices for red ink and catsup have soared by 100% since the last quarter of 2003.
This comes after economists reported that the supply of red ink has become so scarce that the farmers who produce it are now commanding premium prices for this color.
Farmers of the "Sudan Red Dye" used in producing red ink have become millionaires overnight.
Likewise, the Heinz company, makers of Heinz Catsup, reported booming net incomes for the 2nd, 3rd and 4th quarter of 2003. It is to be noted that Democratic candidate John F. Kerry's wife is an heiress to the Heinz empire.
A mysterious buyer by the name of M. Gibson was apparently buying the red ink and catsup slowly over the year 2003, hoarding them in various warehouses across Jerusalem and Australia.
Ballpen makers and local diners are in an uproar as the increased prices are making them less competitive. A class action lawsuit is expected to be filed soon.