The British government has this morning announced that a state of war exists between itself and Portugal, the Portuguese government having declared war on Britain at 6 o'clock yesterday evening.
The surprise move comes after Portuguese police officers, who flew into London to present Gerry and Kate McCann, the parents of missing Madeleine, with a list of 'key questions', were laughed at by their British counterparts.
They returned speedily to Lisbon with their tails between their legs, and, after an emergency session of the Portuguese War Cabinet, an announcement was made at 6pm. Hostilities will commence after today's Siesta has ended.
Last week, Italy and Portugal came to the verge of war when the Portuguese police confirmed that the Pope's DNA had been found in the McCann's Renault Scenic hire car. Italy later backed down when it remembered it had Coward Status.
Portuguese police chief Alberto Greaso said:
"We are using DNA technology to crack the case. We came to UK because we know there is a lot of DNA there."
Prime Minister Gordon Brown told ministers:
"Our holidaymakers will no longer be welcome on the Algarve."