In order to keep the fabulous art collection of the late cellist Mstislav Rostropovich in Russia, Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov, a mining and metals magnate and Rickmansworth Football Club investor, has eaten every single item of the collection just days before it was due to be auctioned.
"When I knew that this collection would be sold at auction, I felt the need to try to preserve the collection in its entirety. The best way to do this was to eat it."
When asked why he didn't just buy it all at auction, given that he is billionaire, he replied, "Hm, I didn't think of that. But it was delicious. And my shit will be worth a fortune. Clever, no?"
Police and Damian Hurst are standing by for his first stool.