Written by monkeyman
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Saturday, 15 September 2007

image for Helvetica font kidnapped
Computer screens around the World are blank

During a celebrity showing of Gary Hustwit's film "Helvetica" the famous font was kidnapped by an previously unknow group of Apple Mac fanatics.

The group, only known as "PCs are crap, they are so slow and always crash and the software is shit and who would want one when they could buy a Mac, plus I hate that Bill Gates he wants to rule the world ...", disguised themselves as ushers and, as the audience sat spellbound watching the film, snatched the font from it's front row seat. CCTV footage shows four men bundling the blindfolded and gagged font into a Ford pickup truck before speeding off in a blaze of gunfire.

In a statement the group said, "This font belongs on Macs and Macs alone. For the past 100 years this has been the default Mac font and we cannot stand by and watch it prostitute itself on Microsoft software. We demand that Bill Gates personally gives a promise that,if we release the font, he will not use it in any of his filthy software".

The kidnap of Helvetica has caused chaos with computer users, with both Macs and PCs, who cannot see any text on their screens.

Panic buying in Supermarkets around the World, with users trying to get their hands on bags full of "Times Roman", have caused some stores to only have stocks of "Wingdings" left on the shelves.

An all night emergency meeting of the UN was held where World Cheifs tried, unsucessfully , to draw up a new default font.

More news as it happens.

Words by monkeyman.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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