Jesus Christ reincarnate is back on earth, and this time-round in the form of Paul Higginbotham from Burnley, in the North of England. Paul, who is now 15, and is represented by Max Clifford, had called a hastely arranged press-conference to reveal all to the World's media.
Paul stated: "I first realised I was special when my mother, Tracey, showed me my fooking birth certificate which showed as my father "God Knows!""
Max, explained that "through genetic testing including DNA profiling, there was no doubt that Paul was the son of God." No further details were given.
Questioned as to his purpose on Earth and on the timeliness of his reappearance, Paul answered "Like my Brother Jesus, it's not until I'll be 21 that my Father will let me know what he expects of me. Until then I'm just going to concentrate on my fooking GCSE's!"
Paul revealed that his favourite subject is Religious Education and Football, "I just luv fooking football!"
Asked about his colourful language, he replied "If thou doesn't fooking like it, then thou can fook off!"
He went on "I'm looking forward to whatever my father wants me to achieve, which I'm sure will be something fooking great ... something like playing for fooking Manchester United!"
Asked if was going to change his name to Jesus, he replied "Fook off, me names Paul!"