Written by Wildjesusfishkid
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Friday, 14 September 2007

image for Missing Children Believed Shaved Say Amish Detectives.
Young survivor of the Brazilian Coaster-nappings

News just in of a bizarre twist in a recent spate of child kidnappings in Rio De Janero. For several months, small young children all aged around five or six have been mysteriously disappearing from the streets of Rio in Brazil near Chile.

Police have uncovered no evidence of who the kidnappers might be and no ransom notes have been found until yesterday. New clues have been found after DNA testing at a manufacturing plant that makes coasters and placemats for the USA has revealed the DNA of several young children that had been reported missing several months ago. This is distressing news for some of the parents who thought that they had finally got rid of the pesky gits for good.

The lead was followed up by some Amish detectives who specialise in weaved product based crimes especially those involving kidnapped children.

"We have been able to establish that these children are safe and well and are being well looked after and farmed for their soft long hair. They have all been shaved regularly, probably with a Mach 3 or Bic twin blade razor and the hair has been intricately weaved into placemats and coasters which have been sold to elderly US citizens. All proceeds have gone towards the building of a new home for disaffected rodents. Amen"

A spokeman for voles has refused to comment but did advise us to talk to some bloke who looked a bit dodgy seen wandering around saying " Would you like me to shave your boy mister?"

One thousand weaved placemats and mug coasters have now been recalled and withdrawn from sale from most well known retail outlets. Members of the public who have recently purchased coasters have been asked to store them in an airtight box and hand them in to the local police station.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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