Originally the Bush administration thought the Iraqi war was going to be a slam-dunk shutout. At first it seemed it just might work, the Iraqi army laid down like a Saturday night hooker with a free hotel room and two gallons of lube. They took the attention off finding Bin Laden with a very clever slight of hand and revealed a Saddam Hussein as "the substitution". Then they waited for the country to conveniently implode with the three main sect factions of the country all against each other. Hungry, they'd surely be waiting to slit each other ear to ear for power, only problem, those pesky insurgents.
It never occurred to anyone there would be three individual rivers of Allah loving, virgin obsessed, American hating insurgents. The greatest minds in America all converged on a West Virginia farmhouse to address this irritating problem in a highly secret think tank.
They threw around lots of lofty ideas finally settling on the most effective. They suggested the plan to President Bush and henchman Dick Chaney.
In an announcement today Bush stated, "We've developed a new strategy to combat those evil doing, IED laying, not playing by the rules, insurgents. We've done another, no bid, contract with Halliburton Corp. they're going to turn Iraq into a human hunting safari trip. This plan will effectively make Iraq the desired hunting destination for gamesmen across the globe."
The President went on to explain, yes, they are planning to turn Iraq into a human game preserve. A safari for sand sissies. The hunters will be fighters, pissed people, serial killers, degenerates and gamesmen of all kinds. For a fee hunters can stalk and kill insurgents at will, with no criminal repercussions what, so, ever.
What better way to finance the war, charge people to kill people, well insurgents anyway, we can't really consider them human now can we?
A Bush advisor volunteered, " we've been sending people over there that don't necessarily want to kill people, this way we know the people we let in really want to thin the herd. Our plan estimates the insurgents will be heading for the caves in less than a month. That's perfect, our hunters thrive on the bush."
The plan will recall troops as hunters are let into Iraq as substitutions, they are hoping to have the entire armed forces home within six months. They are also optimistic the Iraqi's will bend to our iron resolve once we start surging in red necks, degenerates, punk rockers, street thugs, mountain men, armed robbers, rapists and big, hardcore, man hating, angry, butch dykes on bikes,
now that's truely American attitude.
The Vice President already signed up with his butch daughter to shoot a few insurgents in the face, only this time on purpose.
Well, at least it's a plan, some kind of a plan.
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert