Liza Lotte , the founder and patron of the Brain-dead Pagans Association, has called on peace-loving Russian premier Vladimir Putin to end his country's ban on boogie-woogie music.
"Being brain-damaged pagans, we don't have much else to do but dance", said a heartfelt Liza, "music is our release. Mr. Putin has crossed the line in the sand. He has crossed the line between decency and disrespect. He has banned boogie-woogie".
Russia has targeted the old time music out of fears that it may corrupt the nations peace-loving youth, but small sections of the populace still hold secret boogie-woogie dances in rural village homes.
" We need peoples to focus on work", said Russian security advisor, Olga, in comically bad English, "build submarine, build factory, build strong soldier to fight, drink wodka. No time for this boogie-woogie".
Putin has indicated that he may be willing to make a compromise in exchange for being given control of the Artic Circle, a Moon base, control of all the sea's of the world and a signed photo of dead Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith.