SOUL, South Korea - Former heavyweight champion boxer Mike Tyson is running for the Presidency of South Korea. He's meaner than anyone in their National Assembly and he's ready to fight.
"I don't speak any Korean" says Mr. Tyson "but neither did that guy Hawkeye Pierce."
Alan Alda who played the role of Hawkeye Pierce on the hit TV show M*A*S*H commented, "Well you know, Michael's had severe trauma to his head... so he's a bit scrambled."
Mr. Tyson, who once bit off a portion another boxer's ear during a professional fight, is not intimidated. "Those little men are going to bow down to me like a God." he proclaimed "I may not be allowed to fight here but I can still kick some *ss."
Promoter Don King said that Mrs. Tyson's bid for the Presidency of South Korea will be a front row event. "We're going to see the fight of the century... get your tickets right now, right NOW!", Mr. King exclaimed.
The South Koreans gave mixed reactions.
"Who is Michaer Tyson?" one man wondered "Wirr he be abre to learry herp us hele?
†Translation: "We need Mike Tyson! He will really be able to help us here!"
Mr. Tyson arrives in the National Assembley of South Korean next week wearing white trunks. "My trunks will be made to look like the National flag of South Korea." says Mr. Tyson, "Oh, and those people from M*A*S*H should come and have a few drinks with me when I'm done whooping some *ss in there."
The "election" takes places live on Saturday night in what promises to be the Main Event for South Korea.
† Translation services provided by Don King Enterprises.