Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Drugs, Cats, Australia

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

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Party animal: Himalayan cat Doherty's reaction to having his temperature taken

Sydney, Austalia - (Ass Mess): Following earlier reports this week that pussy is high up on Australians' menu preferences these days a Sydney newspaper has featured a story about a cocaine-crazed pussy that survived its owners' long lost weekend revels.

Eight-month-old Himalayan cat Doherty - named after Babyshambles singer Pete - was found in an agitated, wild-eyed, paranoid state one Monday morning in a Sydney household after spending the night in a kitchen cupboard.

Eventually one of his owners managed to get him to the vet's where the prognosis was that Doherty's dilated pupils and racing heart looked "like he'd spent the night on the tiles" allright.

But there was now way this young kitty was going to allow vet Dominic Barfield to diagnose any further by taking his temperature - think feline thermometer hatred! - or a blood sample.

"Suddenly Doherty turned on the vet and pissed all over him," his owner recalled, "so we were able to take a swab and analyse it to see what the f**k was going on."

A few hours later and the prognosis was confirmed that wee little Doherty was high as a kite on a mixture of cocaine and benzodiazepines.

It took a while to work out how puss had managed to score such intoxicating substances.

"And then we remembered we'd had a bit of a wild party that weekend," the cat's owner said, "and little Doherty might have licked something from some 'plates of cocaine' after the frenetic shenanigans over the weekend.

"But F**k know where he scored the benzos", his owners were adamant.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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