Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Lottery, Wicca

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

image for A Wiccan Is a Winner
Wanna be wealthy? Be a Wiccan.

Phones, fax lines, and websites at Wiccan headquarters around the globe have been buzzing with frantic demands for information.

"We're finally getting our message across," a Wiccan leader jubilantly declared to a colleague, adding "it must have been our 1280-page philosophical tome that's doing the trick." His colleague quickly set him straight, pointing out that the increased interest was more likely created by a Maryland accountant, one of four winners of the $330 million Mega Millions jackpot, who said that he had made a bargain ("you let me win the lottery and I'll teach") with the multiple gods of his Wiccan religion. He added that the fact that the accountant had bought his lottery tickets while on his way to a New Age bookstore (where he sometimes teaches Wicca and Reiki healing) wasn't hurting the Wiccans either.

One Wiccan wannabe explained that he was intrigued by the fact that the accountant had hedged his bets and asked for help from multiple gods, instead of one. Another observer agreed, saying, "Hey, there's strength in numbers. Why put all your eggs in one basket? Diversification is the name of the game, in life and in religion."

The lottery winner's good luck has also increased the popularity of New Age bookstores, which have tripled their business since it was revealed that one had a role to play in the results of the recent lottery drawing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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