Written by Noshing Mink
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Saturday, 1 September 2007

image for British General in Iraq calls President Bush a "wanker"
General Sir Mike Jackson: "You're all friggin' wankers!"

In an unexpectedly vehement abusive tirade, General Sir Mike Jackson, who is in charge of all British troops in Iraq, described all politicians involved in the Iraqi War as "wankers".

"Bush? Wanker", he said. "Rumsfeld? Wanker. Blair? Kafkaesque wanker."

Jackson has developed a reputation for annoying people. When he served in Northern Ireland in the 1970s, his regiment shot 26 unarmed Catholic demonstrators in what was later called the Bloody Sunday Massacre. While serving as part of a NATO force in Kosova in the 1990s, he refused to carry out an order given to him by his commanding officer, a 4 star General, "because he was an American wanker", and in 2006, after the release of Norman Kember by Iraqi insurgents, he blasted the British peace campaigner as, yes, you guessed it, "a total and utter wanker" for going to Iraq in the first place.

Jackson's use of abusive language has earned him the nickname of "Darth Vader" among his troops. It will be remembered that throughout the Star Wars trilogy, Darth Vader frequently referred to members of the Rebel Alliance as "friggin' wankers".

The US Government lodged a protest with the Foreign Office about the General's unnecessary use of expletives. A member of Jackson's staff revealed that when the General received a copy of the complaint letter, he used it to wipe his arse.

Of course, this being England, when an out of control army officer shoots innocent people, disobeys orders and insults civilians including his political masters, he doesn't get sacked. He gets a friggin' knighthood.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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