Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Russia, Cocaine, NATO

Saturday, 25 August 2007

image for NATO steps up monitoring of Russian coke subs
The Amur-class Russian sub began spewing out some of its contraband cocaine when captured

Mexico - (Ass Mess): NATO vessels have stepped up surveillance operations on Russian submarines following this week's seizure of five tons of cocaine aboard a Bloodyvostock-registered sub that ran aground off Guatemalan waters following Hurricane Dean's battering of the Yucatan Peninsula.

The submarine's Captain Marko Ramius and his four man crew are said to be detoxing from some dodgy Mexican fajitas they claim were responsible for them getting busted.

However NATO psychiatrists have diagnosed that it was ganja-induced hallucinations that forced them off course on Wednesday into a sandbank where US Narcotics Agents pounced from one of the NATO fleet's tracker vessels.

The NATO is reported to be particularly keen to nail yet more of the Russians' new Amur class boats being tested in the cocaine-rich waters of the Carribean where their favorite secondary activity is in the import/export sectors of ganja distribution.

The operations are a targeted response to Russia's recent decision to resume long-range bomber flights close to NATO airspace in a bid to territory-mark their claims to key narcotics-dealing markets.

In June and July this year Russian Tu-95 nuclear bombers were spotted heading towards British crack-dealing hotspots off the Aberdeen oil rig sites in Scotland, prompting the RAF to send intercepting aircraft to "threaten them with a damned good hiding."

Then earlier this month Russian propeller planes came within striking distance of the US Pacific airbase of Guam after yet another two ton consignment of 95% pure cocaine was seized and impounded by DEA officials.

Russian airforce spokesman Colonel Alexander Drobyshevsky has told TASS that the present situation cannot continue:

"We are pissed off at losing the five tons of coke this week and demand the immediate return of our nuclear powered Amur submarine which was unlawfully captured along with its crew."

The seized Amur class submarine is being studied by NATO
and initial reports have stated that it can carry up to ten tons of cocaine from South American waters all the way back to Bloodyvostock without detection.

"It is an extremely stealthy model, capable of striking surface targets with torpedoes or missiles if challenged," NATO engineers said today.

"Naturally we are pleased with this week's result."

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