Vlad "The Impaler" Putin, Russian President and predicted winner of the upcoming Russian Presidential Elections, was today scornful of claims that he is the ‘New Stalin'.
"I really don't know where these ideas originate. Just because I've banned free speech, re-introduced the KGB, and have started to torture people in custody, everyone starts calling me Stalin. So I sacked my cabinet? Let's get one thing clear. Stalin never once sacked his cabinet. He simply shot them all."
Russian voters feel the same. "Putin like Stalin? Don't make me laugh" said Moscow resident Yuri Zhivago. "Stalin was a real man. Never hesitated when harsh punishment was required. He'd put you alive into a furnace soon as look at you. Putin would never think of that - he's too soft. Just a quick beating with a chain and then the cattle prod on the bollocks. It's not the same."
"When will you Western Imperialist scum realise that things are different now?" asks Putin as we run over a few pedestrians in his Zil limousine. "It's a new world order. Bush is the boss, I'm just an also ran. It hurts - but hey, I'm a big boy. I can take it."
"And in any case Stalin had a bigger moustache than me. So far."