Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Saturday, 27 October 2007

image for David Beckham to be Captain America
Transformers are everywhere.

David Beckham is to take American citizenship after being offered the captaincy of the United States soccer team in a bid to further the national team's chances of World Cup success.

It's a huge gamble but obviously one that the American Soccer Federation is happy to take if it means success on the world stage.

Declaring for another country is normally associated with the world of Athletics or Irish Cricket, the home of Aussie barmen.

The former England Captain is rumoured to be collecting a 500 million dollar payday from the American Soccer Association and is clearly looking forward to it.

"I cant wait to be honest wiv ya, I used to love Captain America when I was a kid and now I'm him it's great, I've got the suit at ome"

"And will you be wearing the Captain America suit on your debut for the United States David?" joked one of the assembled journalists

"Yes" replied a very serious looking Beckham, "Victoria is designing the new kit, mines Captain America and the rest of the lads will all be kind of like Super hero helpers wiv their own super powers but obviously I'll be the superest one. Our goalkeeper is going to be dressed as like, defender of the swirly vortex and we'll tell I'm that if the sphere of Adidas goes into the netted portal the Decepticons will take over the earth"

"Decepticons David?" asked an ESPN reporter "As in Megatron? Transformers?"

"Thats the one! Evil Bastard, E tried to kill Sam Witwicky but fank God Optimus Prime was there to elp Im. Did him right good and proper but you cant never let you guard down else they'll be back causin trouble. I always check my car before I get into it because, well lets face it you dont want to end up in a Transformers belly do you?"

When asked if he was currently on any medication Beckham replied: "No, I've tried it but all that chantin gives me an eadache."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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