London, England - Some say Britney is trying to run away from K-Fed; others that she is running back into the arms Justin (whom they say she secretly wants away from Madonna); still other's say it is all of the above. Whatever the cause for the move, it has Londoners talking and wondering what the future holds for them and their children.
"What! Why?" said Marie Thompson, mother of 2 boys, three and six, as she heard the news for the first time, "What did we do?"
"I don't understand," said James Stern, a train engineer. "We already took in Madonna. I don't see the point, really, in having to take in Britney, too."
"Why can't the Yank just go to France?" said Simon Spears, Special Envoy to the Ministry of Diplomatic Services. "After all, we're the ones that still like them. Well, just barely. Besides they won't mind her there; they're use to taking in exiles and since she's so rude, she'll hardly go noticed."
Children's Health Services frowns on the prospects of English children being exposed to Britney on such an up close and regular bases, predicting dire consequences for parents still hoping to raise their children in a clean wholesome environment, with Britney's impending arrival.
"We will do what we can on such short notice," said Edith Mosley, Director of advanced planning operations.
The agency is preparing brochures to help parents educate their children on the proper behavior they are still to expect from adults and most importantly how to resist imitating irresponsible, undesirable and risky behavior; not to mention appalling spelling skills, they are bond to observe when Britney arrives.
Upon hearing the news, Sir Elton John volunteered his services to the country to reach out to Britney, acting as a cultural ambassador to advise Britney on how to behave in English society, which Britney's publicist quickly dismissed in the following statement just released:
Britney greatly appreciates Sir Elton John's offer to her to play the staring role in his new musical reproduction of "The 'Queen' and I." However, she is currently not entertaining any thoughts on branch out into an acting career at this time. Rather, she prefers spending her time in England concentrating on her music career by sing at various Karaoke bars in the West End, avoiding being served further subpoenas from K-Fed and unlawfully denying him both the custody and society of his children.
On a personal level, however, Britney wants the English people to know she merely wishes to return to the country that was named after her. And she has authorized me to tell you, she still appreciates the sentiment, even though you all spelled it wrong.
-- Synceally, Britney
"God save the Queen!" said a gentleman, who then immediately took to a local Pub upon hearing the news. "And if it's not asking too much, how about the rest of us as well?"