Mexico City - (Ass Mess): The latest victim of Hurricane Dean appears to be a Russian Navy sub carrying five tons of cocaine which became beached off the Guatemalan coast after violent tidal activity forced it off course.
Guatemalan coastguards boarded the vessel which appeared to be listing badly and found "hundreds of millions of dollars worth of cocaine" inside as well as a half-cut Russian crew smashed out of their heads on locally-grown weed.
"This is astonishing," Coastguards' chief Hernandez Ruggo said today.
The smugglers were operating the semi-nuclear Russian Navy submersible vessel when it suddenly struck an unexpected marine hazard after tidal activity proved too much for its state-of-the-art steering technology.
Additionally the cocaine was stacked unevenly at the bow end of the sub causing additional diving problems for the four-man crew.
The sub was seized on Sunday evening by officials from US Customs and Border Patrol after Guatemalan Coastguards radioed for assistance.
Initial reports claimed the captain told American law enforcement officials they were on a routine mission to "plant the Russian flag on the North Pole seabed" but had got a bit lost after what they thought was a traditional Mexican take-away meal proved to be laced "with herbal material similar to shredded cabbage".
The vessel was impounded and towed to port. officials have noted that it just another one of several drug-carrying submarines operated by the Russian navy that have been busted in recent years.