Key West, Florida (IP) - Our current affairs reporter, Poindexter Finootch, has been in Key West, Florida this week working on this report from the table nearest the door at Sloppy Joe's Bar. Mr. Finootch has discovered that many Americans are leaving the American shores on flimsy rafts and their destination is the worker's paradise island of Cuba. Key West is only 90 miles from Cuba as the seagull flies.
Maximum leader Fidel Castro died on Christmas day last year and somehow his brother RRRRRaul and other members of the ruling class down there have not been able to admit that fact to the world. So instead of Fidel it is none other than RRRRRaul himself that greets the new arrivals at the shores of the tropical worker's paradise.
Those folks who leave America in flimsy rafts must navigate the treacherous Straits of Florida as well as the Gulfstream and the combination of the two generates monster waves and unpredictable currents, not to mention schools of man eating sharks. When asked why they are leaving the U.S. the emigrants claim that they can no longer tolerate the freedom and prosperity of this land and that things are just too easy over here.
They long for and prefer the more disciplined and structured set up available in the worker's paradise and most of all, the daily hardships. They are tired of American luxuries such as bulimia, fibromyalgia, anorexia, American Idle and Hardees hamburgers with 8400 calories.
They know that in the worker's paradise they can finally lose weight and the material clutter that permeates their unextraordinary lives so filled with apathy towards pleasure and excitement as a result of their excessive indulgence.
There are jobs waiting for them in the worker's paradise where everybody gets the same pay whether they are a janitor or a doctor. There is plenty of cane to be cut and tourist shoes to be shined and ditches to be dug. Some of them will be so lucky that they will get to work two or three jobs. If they get tired of things in the worker's paradise they can always build another raft and head off for distant shores just over the horizon.