CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Dick Cheney, after doing some soul searching, repented of his sins and his crimes against humanity. He finally realized that money grubbing, killing, maiming, and making people die of starvation wasn't very nice.
The revelation came to Cheney after he was struck blind by a light from the sky. After three days of wandering in the White House and tripping over his own stacks of gold in his office, he was a changed man. He asked God for forgiveness and joined the movement to impeach Bush. Following his repentance, the stars fell from the sky and the earth split open in astonishment, exposing the pits of hell.
George "The Beast" Bush wasn't very happy about it.
"But Dick! I thout we wuz best buddies! Remember the great times we had torturing them peeple in Gitmo? Come back ta me, Big Dick," said the President, but Mr. Cheney would have no part of it.
"George, I finally realized that you are NOT God, are NOT a Christian, and have no compassion for others, even your greedy friends. I quit your cult! Now, leave me alone," said Cheney to the president.
Dubya replied, "Well, no use crying over... over... If I cried once, ya' kain't make me cry again."