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Monday, 20 August 2007

image for 'Stone Disease' could become pandemic
The first signs of the disease

The first cases of a disease which causes people to turn to stone have been confirmed in Berkshire. Hospital staff have so far refused to comment on how the four victims may have contracted the disease, but it is believed to be caused by a mutated form of the stapholacochus stonificourious bacteria which is present on all stones.

The first reported cases of such a disease came one month ago when a new sculpture park was found in New York. This turned out to be a park where the disease had quickly spread leaving people in stone form as statues.

It is not known if the two outbreaks are connected, or weather they are two similar forms which have evolved simultaneously. Scientists, however, are more infavour of the first theory and belive that the disease may have been transferred on a pebble, which did not undergo the EU's strict stone checks, which should be enforced on all imports, but are often sadly neglected.

The 'Daily Mail' has commissioned a private report into the disease, to see if it has any connection to immigrants, Muslims, the security services or the supposed assassination
of Princess Diana. so far the report has only uncovered seven hundred an forty two links to the previous list, according to the paper, but it claims more will follow.

Although the government have claimed that all imports of stones have been stopped and all recent imports have been destroyed there is still a chance that the disease may be at large in the country.

The four victims will be buried in lead coffins similar to that used for Alexander Litvinenko and the hospital and all people who have been in contact with them will be burnt by Environmental Health.

One protester against these drastic measures complained: "It's treating humans like cattle!"

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