Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Cannibalism

Thursday, 16 August 2007

image for Cannibal tribe apologises for eating Methodists
These days the islanders favor chicken wings au gratin

Papua New Guinea - (Rioters): A Papua New Guinea tribe has apologised for murdering and eating Methodist missionaaries over 100 years ago.

"Sorry folks, we made a mistake," one of their great, great, great grandsons said today.

"We were tracking some Seventh Day Adventists but the wind changed direction and we got carried away on the wrong scent and ended up killing and eating these tough, sinewy Methodist guys, much to our personal bitter disgust"

Four Methodists were on a recruitment campaign on the island of New Britainin 1878 when they were set upon by hungry Tolai tribesmen who mistook them for the Seventh Day Adventists whom they had been stalking for days.

Today three thousand Papua New Guinea residents attended a peace-offering ceremony near Rabaul, the capital of East New Britain province, and vowed to put the matter right.

High Commissioner Ratu Isoa Tikoca said that locals had now revised their culinary recipies to exclude the majority of Christian sects 'who are notoriously skinny and sinewy anyway'.

But some islanders have refused to comment on their gastronomic aspirations regarding plump, well-fed evangelicals of different religious denominations, despite cannibalism being officially outlawed on the island.

"Call it a Pavlovian reaction if you like," a Papua New Guinea catering magnate said today.

"Some of my neighbors just can't help themselves drooling sometimes when they see a TV missionary, maybe a 200-pounder brought up on fast-food, spreading his message of hope to the heathens!"

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