Written by Jean Le Fete
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Topics: Iraq, Army, Robots

Saturday, 18 August 2007

image for U.S. Armed Forces Order 40,000 Robots! Troop Withdrawal to begin Immediately!
PFC Gomer XP7!

Baghdad, Iraq - Pentagon Officials today announced the procurement of 40000 Robot soldiers, named the XP7.

The XP7s are each programmed with their own name rank and serial number, for example the PFC Gomer XP7. They can do virtually anything a human soldier can do, except they don't mind the heat, dust, wind, or anti-U.S. sentiment. They all are multi-lingual and can understand the many dialects in Iraq.

At a price tag of 1 million each, the Bush Administration is pinning its hopes on the success of this venture.

Some of the robots have already been embedded with U.S. and Iraqi forces. "We have seen the XP7 in action in firefights and I have to say they are impressive," said Captain Errol Flint, "Though they do have some odd tendencies, for example when they're off duty they fart and scratch themselves like regular GI's. They don't get the regular rations, instead we have replace about 500 "D" batteries in each unit each morning. In battle we have seen their weapons out perform human soldiers, they have their guns built into their arms and legs and they can fire grenades out the holes that look like their eyes."

There has been some concern by critics the technology could be stolen and reprogrammed by enemy fighters. "That's just not true," said the Captain, "We had one kidnapped the other day and he killed all his captors and brought one back to us. They're virtually indestructible...long as their batteries don't run down."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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