Written by Dignan
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Topics: Iraq, bullets

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

image for Iraqi Woman Cites Magic Bullet Theory In Destruction Of Property

An elderly Iraqi woman claims that two bullets hit her house Tuesday after a coalition forces raid on Sadr City.

She cites the Magic Bullet Theory from the Kennedy Assassination, saying that the first bullet entered through the front door at a downward angle of 17 degrees, destroying her brand new 3-Panel Oval Craftsman Pella Door. It then moved upward in order to leave the door, destroying a brand new Waterford Crystal Chandelier, where it waited 1.6 seconds, turned right, slashed into her original Warhol Cagney Print and bounced into her La-Z-Boy recliner in pristine condition.

The second bullet enters her kitchen in a spectacle of explosions, destroying her brand new Sub-Zero refrigerator, nicking the rustic contemporary marble counter-top, where it does a miraculous 180-degree turn and headed for her living room. There the bullet waited for 2.3 seconds and entered a Sony Bravia XBR 52? 1080p Flat-Panel LCD HDTV shattering several components before exiting and then entering, then exiting, then entering a new Pioneer Elite Blu-ray High-Definition Disc Player with Standard-DVD Up-conversion - from which it later fell out and is found in almost "pristine" condition on her sand floor.

The woman has filed a $1.5 million lawsuit against the coalition forces for property damages, pain and suffering, loss of enjoyment in life's pleasures, and emotional distress.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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