SHEFFIELD (Defecated News) - A man and three of his friends are being treated at Chesterfield District Hospital today for severe burns after a drunken prank went terribly wrong.
Danny Osmond (42) of Chesterfield was drinking with his friends when he suggested they try setting fire to their 'passing of wind'. They had all been out for a curry earlier that evening. The house subsequently burnt down and caused £200,000 of damage to neighbours' properties.
"We'd had some samosas, lamb bhunas and beef madras curries as well as half a dozen pints of Cobra each", recalled one of the friends Gary Webb. "So we were well spiced up and gassed up too. We counted to three, pulled down our pants and let rip, lighting the farts in mid-flow to avoid blowback. Danny's flame looked like a Bunsen burner and it set the net curtains alight. Us other fellas set alight the sofa, dining table and Danny's wife's mink coat.", added Webb. Osmond is being treated for a ruptured rectum with anal burns, while the other three have singed buttock hairs.
Chief of South Yorkshire Fire Service Mike Hunt expressed his concern at the men and their behaviour,
"I am very saddened to see such irresponsible behaviour from grown men. Everyone should know that when you light a fart you should have a bucket of ice water nearby. Stupid. It's just plain stupid. Bastards"