Pearl Harbor - The United States of America was today addressed by President Bush, "Today the United States is facing an attack by the Imperial Islamic Navy of Iran. We have reached our rendevous with destiny. After consulting with the Congress and assistant leaders of the leaders of our armed forces, we have reached a unanimous decision. The United States of America does hereby unconditionally surrender!"
"This is totally untrue," said Hillary Clinton, "He hasn't even uttered a word to Congress, just like he didn't tell us all the details when he ask our opinion in invading Iraq. This so-called Navy of Iran is a two man skiff!"
Vice President Cheney was sent out in attack dog mode to counter any counter insurgency in the ranks of Congress, "What Congress doesn't understand is the graveness of this situation. Most of our fleet is committed to the Persian Gulf, this so-called "skiff" is about ram us up the wazoo at Pearl Harbor and I for one am ready to bend over!"
"Well fine," said John Edwards, let Mr. Cheney take one up the wazoo, the hershey highway, the dirt road, but leave us out of it. I have a john boat and some good ol' boys from South Carolina. Were heading out this evening to take care of the situation!"
At press time, Rooters International was unable to confirm a confrontation between Iranian Naval Forces and John Edward's Navy, but sources close to the Senator said he and an unadvisedly large group had set sail in 15ft john boat with a 55 horsepower motor. They carried rifles, shot guns and two kettles of bake beans. "I expect the Iranians will wish they was dead when they get down wind of them," said the source, "that'll probably earn them a surrender without firing a shot."