Tahiti, South Pacific (IP) - Our investigative reporter has just been informed that animals will no longer warn humans of impending disasters. Many animals let humans know when the great tsunami hit the Pacific Island a couple of years ago. The same has been true going back in time and now the animals say they are sick and tired of being treated like animals and will sneak off quietly before future catastrophes occur.
One elephant, who wants to have his identity remain secret, says he will never forget how he and his friends threw a fit before the great tsunami and all he got for his trouble was a lashing at the hands of his handlers. Never again he says.
A wealthy dog named Duke living in San Francisco has become appalled at the way his gerbil friends are being treated there. The dog, who has appeared in bean commercials and is clearly capable of human speech, says he has no trouble hearing rocks and subduction plates grinding below the Earth's surface and says he would go down with the ship before he utters one word of warning to anyone.
Birds everywhere have felt betrayed and besmirched by the recent pack of lies aimed at them by folks who accused them of carrying and spreading avian flu. Let he among you who is without sin toss the first stone - indignantly proclaimed the Bird of Paradise. His friend quickly whispered into his ear and the B.O.P. said, "Oh, ah, never mind... please scratch that last statement off your notepad...". He continued by openly saying that before the next disaster that he and his friends will fly off at night.