Svalbard Islands, Arctic Ocean - (Ass Mess): The Russian submarine cerdited with establishing Vladimir Sputum's claims to hydrocarbon deposits under the North Polce last week has collided dramatically with a sightseeing pleasure-cruiser off the Svalbard Islands, some 310 miles north of Norway.
The sub was said to have been trying to find its way back under the ice-sheets and began its climb to the surface without first checking on the traffic in the icy waters above.
Some 18 Britons on the luxury vessel were injured as a result which also displaced a glacier, wrecked an iceberg formation and caused tsunami-like waves in the Norwegian fjords many hundreds of miles away.
The pleasure cruiser is now listing badly as an evacuation operation airflifts the hapless holidaymakers.
The Russian submarine meanwhile has plunged beneath the ice floes once again after Norwegian coastguards threatened to capture it and tow it to the nearest scrap metal merchants' breakers yard.