NEW YOIK (Defecated News) - They've opened up franchise restaurants around the world serving sandwiches made from bread baked that same day, fillings as fresh as possible. Value for money and ultimately, a delicious meal, have made Subway markey leaders in the sandwich meal food snack sector.
The issue of meat freshness has, it would appear, been taken one bite too far. Subway have now started using human flesh from dead hospital patients, in what has been described as, 'a million dollar deal' between the Health Secretary and Subway's owner, Ivor Sarni.
Martin Bell, former BBC wartime hero who got shrapnelled big style, and now spokesman for Subway explained their decision: "I've seen more dead bodies than you've had hot dinners. For me they WERE hot dinners. Humeat, as it's known, is low in carbs, high in protein and easy on the stomach. People have been demanding this for years."
The marketing plans for the new subs has not been made official, but the new range is thought to include 'Meaty Mexican Man' human flesh with salsa and spices, 'Chunky Chav with Salad', and one made from vegetarians called 'The Green Gobbling'.
Farty Chakrabarty, head of Human Rights group, Libateez described the move as "a great step" for equality for all humans and species: "We can eat each other now without having to know the race or sexual orientation of the meaty donor. I'd love to eat the meaty bits of The Spice Girls."
Posh Spice refused to comment.