Jakarta, Indonesia - (Rioters): Seismologists have been ordered to blame an earthquake for the 7.5 magnitude tremor that rocked Indonesia's main island of Java today at an epicenter somewhere in the Indian Ocean at a depth of 289 kilometers.
But Royal Navy intelligence sources say they believe it was caused by another one of Russia's nuclear subs exploding somewhere deep in the Indian Ocean trenches after being abandoned there in 1994 following a disastrous attempt to launch missiles at key western targets such as Australia, the UK and the USA.
Under the personal intelligence command of Vladimir Sputum the Russians' 1994 attack consisted of thirteen armed nuclear submarines which were poised to hit key western installations unless Princess Diana was immediately made Queen and all UK Crown assets give over to her and her heroin dealer chums.
But A NATO force under joint UK and US command was ready and waiting to sink the bastards.
A total of eleven Russian subs were successfully sunk with two severely disabled but still able to limp woefully back to port.
At least two of the successful hits were in the Indian Ocean area and today's earthquake-like tremor may have been a Kursk prototype finally giving up the ghost after thirteen years of rotting in one of the area's notorious trench ridges.
The news will be greeted with mixed feelings by all those who remember this highly classified NATO operations which nearly also sank President Bill Clinton.
A fierce rearguard offensive by his Administration hid for many years the true events of that campaign which very nearly saw him and his partners in the former Bush1 Administration strung up on treason charges in the US.
The campaign resulting in the mass sinking of the Russian subs was the brainchild of fearless military Nazi-hunter General John Merryman KG, VC, Congressional Medal of Honor, Legion d'Honneur etc etc etc.
Bet he's smiling tonight that somebody remembers his awesome achievement on a day like this in August 2007!