Written by david alsatian
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Topics: UN, Belgium

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

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BELGIUM was last night booted off the UN's Security Council amid claims that its delegates were 'roustabouts' who treated the powerful organisation like a 'gentleman's club'.

The Belgians started their two-year term on the Security Council in January but furious UN chiefs have pulled the plug after just eight months.

Concerns were raised at the first meeting of the Council when Belgian delegate Hoots Van Tintin sat listening to Hardcore Nation on an Ipod throughout, pausing only to laugh at several text messages from his girlfriend.

Van Tintin then had a pizza delivered to the New York headquarters and angered the Panamese delegate by wiping up spilt barbecue sauce with her notes on sweatshop labour.

At the next meeting, he then cut short a conference call to Baghdad, stunning world figures by claiming the battery had died on his mobile and he needed to tell the wife to take his dogs out for a walk before they 'crapped the f***ing place out'.

Diplomatic pressure forced Van Tintin's removal but his replacement, Bill van Marwick, was even more disastrous.

He turned up for his first meeting nursing a heavy hangover and swigged repeatedly from a large glass bottle of Irn Bru before falling asleep at the table.

When woken from his slumber to give an opinion on how to placate North Korea, he blurted out: "Just send them a f***ing fruit basket" before nodding back off.

And the final straw came when Van Marwick vomited into the handbag of French delegate Jean Baptiste.

One stunned UN bigwig said: "I'm glad the Belgians have gone. They were roustabouts and treated the UN like a gentleman's club.

"God only knows what kind of stuff goes on at the European parliament in Brussels."

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