The Chinese government, unhappy with the way their country has been labelled 'developing' and 'polluted', has declared war on Great Britain, and has mobilised the Terracotta Army.
The warriors last fought under Emperor Qin Shihuang in 221BC, and it had been hoped that they would make the arduous journey on foot, reaching the UK by late November. Now, however, this plan has been shelved. The soldiers have been carefully packed into crates, and will be shipped instead.
Trouble started last week when British Olympic Committee officials visted Beijing for a conference ahead of the Olympic Games which begin one year from now. Some British delegates were, according to the Chinese officials, less than complimentary, calling China "foggy", "boggy", and "smoggy", and criticised the country's poor record on Human Rights.
Beijing subsequently complained to the British government, but, when no apology was forthcoming, they decided to invade, and to resolve the matter militarily.
The 8000-strong army, who were only rediscovered in 1974, will attempt to conquer the UK, and will open more Chinese Takeaways the length and breadth of the country.
General Hiromi Kinoshita who is heading the offensive, said:
"We'll teach Britain to be careful what it says about us Chinkies!"