Written by Deanna Goodson
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Topics: church, Italy

Monday, 1 March 2004

image for Molestation Alarm To Be Available For Purchase By the End of the Year
When Michael looked like a Jackson

Rome, Italy -

With the influx of sex-abuse cases in the Church and at Neverland Ranch, several Italian researchers have come up with a Molestation Alarm.

When a child is about to be harmed by a priest or by Michael Jackson he/she can just pull a little disk out of their pocket. When they click on the little button in the corner, a big, inflatable doll pops up.

The doll says, "STEP AWAY FROM THE CHILD."

"It has been tested in several parishes across the US and we think it will work. We care about sex abuse as a Church and will do whatever we can to stop it because the pope told us to." Fr. Giuseppe Cantabelieveihavtadothisa said today.

Many people think this is too little, too late.

Relatedly, the Michael Jackson version of the alarm will be marketed in the US after the trial is over. It doesn't look like Michael Jackson does today.

"We decided, for shock value, to make it look like Michael when Michael looked like Michael," someone said, but wanted to remain nameless. No, it wasn't Janet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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