Washington, DC: Following the forcible ouster of Haitian President Jean Bertrand Aristide by American military forces, United States Secretary of State Colin Powell announced that the U.S. and France have formally patched up diplomatic relations.
The Secretary told reporters: "We are pleased to announce a long overdue rapprochement with our French amis. We admire les Francais for their grace under pressure and wonderful food and wine, and our Republican legislators are tired of ordering 'Freedom Fries' at the Congressional cafeteria. Besides, if the French hadn't given us the expression coup d'etat, the overthrow of the democratically elected and widely popular President Aristide would not have had the same elan or savoir faire, much less any je ne sais quoi. And in the denouement of these momentous events, we're thinking of using the same tactics here in the U.S. if the November 2004 election doesn't go our way. In fact, that wouldn't be much different from what we did in 2000, n'est ce pas?"
After the press conference, Secretary Powell retired to a private dining room with French President Jacques Chirac to celebrate over escargots au vin and quiche de grenouille.