PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - Promising to "lay it down on the mic", rap star 50Cent has announced that he will rule Haiti. "I don't need no Grammy for Best New Artist gangstaaa, I'll be runnin' my own d*mn country!"
The news comes as a complete surprise to everyone especially Jean-Bertrand Aristide who reacted, "I'm up there giving my farewell speech when all of a sudden this young man comes up to the podium. I wasn't sure what was going on."
The Judge slated to replace Aristide was also surprised. "Who is this 50Cent guy anyway and what makes him think he can run a whole country?"
The rapper was quick to respond. "Run a country? I'll show those mother#$&@ers what I can do! Y'all should be payin' attention now, cause THIS gangsta's gonna bust it up!"
Violence in the streets immediately stopped.
"You see? All these people needed was some di-RECTion and 50Cent is givin' it to them baby.", a spokesperson for the rap star commented, "We'll be runnin' our own label down here brother and if anybody - I mean ANYbody wants a piece of 50Cent, then we'll be bustin' it up s-more!"
UN Secretary General Kofi Annan approved of the transition "provided Mr. Cent does not resort to spying... we simply can't have that."
50Cent's first decision as self-appointed ruler of Haiti was to rename the country "HATEY".