Islamsobad, Afghanistan (IP) - Ebenezer Finootch, our on the scene entertainment reporter, had to run through some mine fields and dodge both friendly and not so friendly fire to bring us this story. Mr. Finootch was almost bitten by a cobra but luckily charmed his way out of that situation by playing a few choice bars on his trusty Bundy student model soprano sax.
While in Afghanistan he got a scoop on the big news circulating around all of the local mountain hamlets that American Idle producers are parachuting in and will conduct auditions among the local talent in order to create a show which will be called Afghanistan Idle.
One problem which the producers had to overcome was that all of the female contestants look identical to each other because of the full length costumes that are so popular over here. The solution they came up with is that the ladies will wear name tags. There is a shortage of paper and so the Taliban was kind enough to hand out paper rifle targets and the girls names were scribbled on them with charcoal from the local cremation unit.
Mr. Finootch and the talent seeking team were having trouble finding food until they came across what appeared to be a Mexican restaurant. This was the conclusion they all reached when they found a mud walled building with a bunch of burros tied to a wooden rail outside. As they slowly and cautiously entered the hut the head of every man inside turned simultaneously following the men's entrance into the hut. Mr. Finootch was accustomed to this because he had spent some time in Andrews, North Carolina and this custom was practiced there also (as well in all the other small towns across the state).
The men finally reached an empty table and suddenly the deafening silence was broken by loud and coarse laughter which burst forth from all the men. It turned out that these were special forces guys taking a break from the noon day sun and they offered the guests some of their MRE's and drinks from their flasks.
Mr. Finootch and the producers suddenly passed out and the next thing they remembered was being on a military helicopter on their way to an aircraft carrier. A rival group of producers had out bid the American Idol team for the rights to operate in the area which turned out to be a good thing for the Idol producers and for Mr. Finootch. A few days later a giant earthquake flattened the entire area and nobody there lived happily ever after.