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Topics: Osama Bin Laden

Monday, 30 July 2007

image for Bin Laden Caught and Held on Secret Island

Bongo Bongo Island, South Pacific (IP) - News trickling out of the Bongo Bongo Pacific Archipelago reveals what the US Government and the Office of the Military Industrial Complex have successfully kept secret for so long - that Bin Laden was captured years ago and has been held incommunicado at a secret location in this long stretching chain of islands.

The startling news came to light after a Samoan fisherman found a bottle with a message inside of it. The message claims that it had been written by Bin Laden himself. Bin Laden described the island as being a long strip of land with hills reaching upward two hundred meters. The hills contained caves and one of them has an iron door which can be secured during the frequent arrival of typhoons which sweep across the area two or three times a year with winds approaching 200 miles an hour.

The island also has a long runway and C-130 transport planes outfitted with extra fuel tanks sometimes land on the island in order to drop off supplies and to relieve military guards stationed there to keep watch over the solitary prisoner.

Bin Laden says he is treated surprisingly well and even gets medical care. The presence of the guards insure that he stays put and that he brings no harm to himself. He is even allowed to communicate with whoever he wants to. He claims that his capture is kept secret because the war on terror might collapse if his compatriots were to learn that he has been captured.

The collapse of the the war on terror would have a negative impact on the bottom line of numerous corporations like Halibuton and the Carlisle Group and on the Military Industrial Complex in general. The last thing they want is for peace and stability to break out like it did at the end of the cold war. We need an enemy to keep military skills honed to a sharp level and to keep the flow of money flowing into offshore bank accounts via the corporate entities who stand to gain from such endeavors. The west also needs an excuse to occupy key Arab countries therby holding off the threat of a Chinese occupation for as long as possible. War and prison also prevent the lower classes from gathering too much rebellious steam and ward off the growing numbers of unemployed and disaffected youth on all sides of the conflict.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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