Boca Raton, Florida (High Times Staff Writer) - The self-described "world's only reliable newspaper", Weekly World News, recently announced plans to discontinue publishing its printed format and switch to an online-only version.
Market analysts expect rival website TheSpoof.com to receive a significant downspike in readership due to this sudden strategic shift by its major competitor.
Private detectives hired by an unknown third party managed to track down Rusty Squatter, the Assistant to the Vice President of WWN's Print Division, after he was dropped off in the desert without support.
"If the Lowton family is interested in hiring me, I am ready to speak with them," he croaked. "Could I please have some water?" ("...I also know trade secrets," he whispered.)